Editor's note: The following commentary is adapted from an address by Rabbi Shmuley to his son Mendy in synagogue on Saturday, May 6, 2006.
Mendy, today is your Bar Mitzvah. As your father, I want to help inspire you on this momentous occasion with words that I hope will stay with you forever.
In your Torah portion, you read God's seminal command, "Be holy, for I the Lord your God am Holy" (Leviticus 19:2).
To be holy is to be set apart. The Sabbath is holy because its restfulness distinguishes it from the work days of the week. The Temple in Jerusalem is holy because its consecrated space is set aside for lofty spiritual pursuits.
If one is to be holy, Mendy, then one must be different.
When all the world was worshipping idols, carved from stone and sculpted from rock, Abraham affirmed the invisible Creator who hid behind the starry night. When all of Egypt enslaved an innocent people, Moses distanced himself from his royal upbringing by striking an Egyptian taskmaster who mercilessly beat a helpless slave.
In so doing, both these men exuded a preparedness to be hated for their righteousness. Abraham would henceforth be called, Avraham Haivri, the man who dared to stand apart. Moses would be forced to flee his native country, only to return and bring the mighty Egyptians to their knees.
What does it mean to be a Jew, Mendy? It is the courage to be different. Benjamin Disraeli, the celebrated British prime minister, expressed that difference in response to an anti-Semitic parliamentarian's derogatory reference to him as a Jew: "Yes, I am a Jew and when the ancestors of the right honorable gentleman were brutal savages in an unknown island, mine were priests in the temple of Solomon."
You now become a man Mendy, and you have a choice as to what kind of man you will be. Small men want to be loved. But big men are prepared to be hated. Small men tailor their actions to suit the multitude. But big men will do the right thing no matter how much it inflames the masses.
Abraham Lincoln was detested by both South and North as he fought for the highly unpopular cause of emancipation. Winston Churchill was loathed in Britain for speaking out against Chamberlain's fictitious peace with Hitler. And Martin Luther King Jr. was cut down by an assassin's bullet as he pointed out the injustices practiced against black Americans. No great man or woman has ever lived who was not prepared to be hated.
Do not the make the mistake on your Bar Mitzvah, Mendy, as you bask in the adoration of family and community, that popularity is virtuous. On the contrary, as you steel yourself to become a man, prepare yourself to practice justice whatever the consequences.
While the rest of the world will strive to be loved, you strive to be holy. Do what's right even it costs you friendship. Do what's virtuous even if it leaves you lonely. Seek to impress not your fellow man, but none but God alone.
How many Jewish students did I meet in my 11 years at Oxford who were afraid to be different, terrified to stand apart. They would arrive at the university with their yarmulkes and quickly take them off. They weren't just abandoning God, they were betraying themselves, displaying weakness and a desire to be part of the pack.
Remember, Mendy, when we traveled in an RV to Badlands National Park, in South Dakota? There was a terrible storm, and we saw hundreds of cows that herded together, out of fear, under the thundering skies. And that's what most people do, Mendy, as they confront that one great fear in life, that they won't be loved. The herd instinct is a reaction to the fear of being different, of being rejected, of being an outcast. The desire to be loved is so strong that most people are prepared to erase their individuality, obliterate their uniqueness, just in order to be accepted. Abraham Lincoln once remarked that the tragedy of being human is that while all of us are born God's original, most of us die man's imitation and copy.
There are kids prepared to start taking drugs just to win friends. There are teenage girls who are prepared to have sex with boys in the false belief that by delivering their bodies the boy will offer up his heart.
You be different, Mendy. Never look to be loved. Look to be holy. Don't look to be popular. Look to be righteous. Endeavor not to fit in, but to remain you.
The prophet Micah said it best: "What does God require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God." Walk with God, Mendy, even when it forces you to walk without human company. Walk with God even when if feels, as did in Auschwitz, that God Himself has ceased to walk with you.
In my life, I have often made the mistake of thinking that being loved was more important than being holy. I always wanted to do virtuous things with my life, but I wanted to be known for those good things. And in my quest for recognition, I made big mistakes, like believing that Hollywood celebrities would be a proper way to promote Godly values. My need to be loved was too great, the desire for external affirmation too overpowering. I was flattered that famous people admired me.
Now I know that my error was simply to want to be loved rather to be righteous. Had I wanted to be holy, I would never have lent credibility to a rock star who made himself into an idol. Had I wanted to be holy, I would still have written controversial books like "Kosher Sex," to save marriages. But I would have paid greater homage to my detractors, in the knowledge that one learns far more from one's critics than one's fans.
Devote your life, Mendy, to being a Kiddush Hashem, to making God shine. Act compassionately, and you will make God glitter. Greet people with dignity, and you will make God sparkle. Give a homeless man a dollar, and you will make God shimmer. Control your temper, and you will make God glisten.
You have made me proud to be your father. But from today, you become a man. Be a big man, Mendy. Live for the big things that electrify the heavens and causes the earth to quake.
Just a thought...
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Thanksgiving and Our Gratitude...
Lord, We Are Grateful
Lord, we are grateful for all You've given;
shelter and clothing, good food and health.
All these are gifts we rarely do treasure.
We are most wealthy, thanks to Yourself.
Lord, we are grateful for those who love us;
those we call family, those who are friends.
Loved, we can face the pressures life sends us.
Through those we cherish, Your love descends.
Lord, we are grateful for Your creation;
trees in fall splendor, dark stormy skies.
Nature reminds us of Your strong power.
Majestic beauty dazzles ours eyes.
Lord, we are grateful for Your rich mercy,
fresh as the morning, new every day.
Sin is forgiven. Guilt has been buried.
Gone is the debt we never could pay.
Lord, we are grateful that we can worship,
often and freely here in this place.
Harvest our praises, hear our thanksgiving
as we reflect on Your awesome grace.
~Rev. Greg Asimakoupoulos~
I really need to be thankful for all the Lord has bestowed upon my family. A daily reminder is always good : -)
Just a thought...
Lord, we are grateful for all You've given;
shelter and clothing, good food and health.
All these are gifts we rarely do treasure.
We are most wealthy, thanks to Yourself.
Lord, we are grateful for those who love us;
those we call family, those who are friends.
Loved, we can face the pressures life sends us.
Through those we cherish, Your love descends.
Lord, we are grateful for Your creation;
trees in fall splendor, dark stormy skies.
Nature reminds us of Your strong power.
Majestic beauty dazzles ours eyes.
Lord, we are grateful for Your rich mercy,
fresh as the morning, new every day.
Sin is forgiven. Guilt has been buried.
Gone is the debt we never could pay.
Lord, we are grateful that we can worship,
often and freely here in this place.
Harvest our praises, hear our thanksgiving
as we reflect on Your awesome grace.
~Rev. Greg Asimakoupoulos~
I really need to be thankful for all the Lord has bestowed upon my family. A daily reminder is always good : -)
Just a thought...
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Philippians 2...Imitating Christ's Humility
1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Shining as Stars
12Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
14Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16as you hold out[c] the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. 17But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. 18So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.
It seems to me that God is more concerned with us looking inward at our own sins, and less about pointing others out to them. Although, He does say that in love and encourgement, we are to help our friends "get back on track".
I believe the Lord knows that our circumstances may not change, but through Him our perspective can change. We begin to see others in our lives through Christ's eyes, with compassion, grace and mercy. The problem comes, when we are self rightous and do not understand that our sins are no better than our spouse, friend or co worker. We will be forgiven by Him, with the same amount we forgive others.
Search your heart and ask yourself, do I have areas of conceit, self rightousness in my life? Am I being a Pharisee? Ask the Lord to show you, He is loving and wants nothing more than restoration and to rid you of anything that will separate you from Him.
Just a thought...
5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Shining as Stars
12Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
14Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16as you hold out[c] the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. 17But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. 18So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.
It seems to me that God is more concerned with us looking inward at our own sins, and less about pointing others out to them. Although, He does say that in love and encourgement, we are to help our friends "get back on track".
I believe the Lord knows that our circumstances may not change, but through Him our perspective can change. We begin to see others in our lives through Christ's eyes, with compassion, grace and mercy. The problem comes, when we are self rightous and do not understand that our sins are no better than our spouse, friend or co worker. We will be forgiven by Him, with the same amount we forgive others.
Search your heart and ask yourself, do I have areas of conceit, self rightousness in my life? Am I being a Pharisee? Ask the Lord to show you, He is loving and wants nothing more than restoration and to rid you of anything that will separate you from Him.
Just a thought...
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
40 Ways to Pray for our Children...
Get specific with these simple prayers for your child's character from Christianity Today.
One of the great privileges of parenthood is that we can ask God to work in the lives of our children. These 40 prayers can be offered as a 40-day cycle of prayer {patterned after Jesus' own 40-day spiritual retreat in Matthew 4} or simply used during the course of each day.
1. For the knowledge of God
Dear God, the Psalmist declares, "Be still, and know that I am God" {Psalm 46:10}. In their busyness, may my children have quiet moments in which they think and reflect about God in their lives.
2. For salvation
Loving God, the Apostle Paul reminds us that the Gospel "is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes" {Romans 1:16}. Help my children learn to trust in you early in their lives and remain faithfully committed to your ways throughout their lives.
3. For myself as a parent
Gracious God, fill me with sensitivity and insight that I may understand the best ways to guide my children so they may grow in your wisdom and love.
4. For parenting patience
Loving God, although family life is often hectic and busy, help me to listen with patience to the worries, troubles, and problems my children may have.
5. For kindness of speech
Gracious God, so many children have been deeply wounded because they have been the brunt of criticism, teasing, and taunting. May my children exhibit kindness in their speech. Let the words of Psalm 19:14 be true for my children: "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight."
6. To recognize their mistakes
Dear God, may my children recognize when they are wrong and take responsibility where they are at fault. Give them a deep and sincere desire to put things right as quickly as possible.
7. For love
Gracious God, let my children follow the command of Jesus to "love one another" {John 13:34}. Let them reach out with love to all within their sphere of influence.
8. For spiritual stability
Oh God, in times of moral uncertainty and temptation, empower my children to exhibit spiritual stability. May the words of Joshua have a firm grip in their hearts: "You are to hold fast to the Lord your God" {Joshua 23:8}.
9. To help bear burdens
Loving God, let it be that my children are the ones who quickly reach out, helping to lift the burdens of others. Through my example, may my children understand the importance of fulfilling the call of Scripture to "carry each other's burdens" {Gal. 6:2}.
10. To be instruments of peace
Gracious God, may my children guide their thoughts, words, and actions by the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi: "Make me an instrument of your peace: where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy."
11. To celebrate humanity
Dear God, this world is filled with beautiful people, all of whom are your children. May my own children be free of discriminatory and judgmental attitudes toward others. Let them appreciate and celebrate the fact that people are red and yellow, black and white, tall and short, fat and thin, rich and poor, young and old.
12. For spiritual & emotional growth
Loving God, let my children be like Jesus who "grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men" {Luke 2:52}.
13. To be salt & light
Gracious God, may my children learn how to cooperate rather than compete, to respect rather than revile, and to console rather than condemn. Even in their limited circles of influence, may they be "the salt of the earth" and the "light of the world" {Matt. 5:13-14}.
14. For protection
Eternal God, as my children go out this day may your loving protection go ahead of them, be behind them, hover over them, and stand beside them. This day protect them from every danger, disease, and trauma.
15. For faith in times of difficulty
Dear God, whenever my children face trial, trouble, or fear, let them naturally turn to you for guidance and strength. May my children know this powerful promise of scripture: "The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms" {Deut. 33:27}.
16. To remember the marginalized
Dear God, create in my children hearts of love and compassion for those whom society overlooks. Let them understand the importance of this biblical command: "Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering" {Heb. 13:3}.
17. For growth in grace
Loving God, day by day and in every way, let my children "grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" {2 Peter 3:18}.
18. For contentment
Loving God, let my children cultivate the same spiritual contentment as did the Apostle Paul, who said: "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" {Phil. 4:11-12}.
19. To be unselfish
Gracious God, give my children more love, more self-denial, more willingness to sacrifice for others. Let them understand deeply that it is more blessed to give than to receive.
20. For wisdom
Loving God, may your spirit be so present in the lives of my children that their thoughts are your thoughts and their ideas are your ideas.
21. To offer confession & seek forgiveness
Gracious God, may there be in my children no propensity for denial of truth and reality. When they err and do wrong, may they offer you confession and seek your forgiveness. Let them take comfort in your word, which says: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" {1 John 1:9}.
22. To be "clothed" in virtues
Dear God, may my children constantly and consistently be clothed "with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience" {Col. 3:12}.
23. For humility in victory & dignity in defeat
Dear God, life is made up of valleys and peaks, wins and losses. There will be times when my children will make important gains and other times when they will feel the sting of losing. May they have humility in their victory and dignity in defeat.
24. For appreciation of God's creation
Loving God, show my children how to love all animals, birds, creatures, and all green and growing things. Help them to cherish and protect your creation.
25. For gratitude
Dear God, let gratitude, praise, and thanksgiving continuously flow from the lips of my children. May they "give thanks in all circumstances" {1 Thess. 5:18}.
26. For the courage of convictions
Gracious God, convictions mean nothing unless there is the courage to stand up for them. May my children "be strong and courageous" {Joshua 1:6}, standing up for those treated unkindly and unjustly.
27. For emotional & spiritual strength
Eternal God, whenever my children feel the pain of rejection by friends or feel they are the objects of ridicule, infuse them with emotional and spiritual strength. May they always remember that you are the strength of the weak, the refreshment of the weary, and the comforter of the heartbroken.
28. To be joyful Christians
Loving God, bless my children with the spirit of joy. May they smile naturally, laugh easily, rejoice in your gifts large and small. Let the words of the Psalmist resound in their lives: "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" {Psalm 118:24}.
29. To be free from materialism
Gracious God, even in their youth let my children be free from materialism. May they enjoy their benefits, privileges, and material possessions without the constant clamor for more and more and more. And, should they be blessed with wealth in their adult years, may they know the importance of sharing and using their abundance to bless others.
30. For peace & justice
Eternal God, nurture in my children a love for the many people who live in poverty and misery. Arouse in their hearts a deep and abiding hunger for justice and peace.
31. To be filled with hope
Loving God, no matter what may befall my children, may they be so filled with hope that it prevents any despair from taking hold. With the Apostle I pray that you, "the God of hope" {Romans 15:13}, will fill them with all joy and peace.
32. For perseverance
Dear God, keep my children from becoming impatient and quitting prematurely. Develop within them endurance and perseverance so that when faced with major challenges and crises they do not easily give up. Let my children be "joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" {Romans 12:12}.
33. For a passionate love of God
Gracious God, cultivate in my children a passion to love and serve you. May my children have the same kind of passionate love for you as did this Psalm writer: "I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you" {Psalms 9:1-2}.
34. For generosity of spirit
Loving God, instill in my children a desire to give of themselves. May they always be honorable in action, sincere in words, and gentle in their treatment of others.
35. To be forgiving
Eternal God, fill my children with the spirit of forgiveness. Whenever they are hurt, may they naturally forgive and thereby free themselves from the burden of resentment. May they take seriously this word from the Apostle: "Forgive as the Lord forgave you" {Col. 3:13}.
36. To have a teachable spirit
Gracious God, infuse in each of my children the awareness that the world is filled with teachers. May they see others as being sent by you into their lives to teach them to learn better patience, greater love, more compassion.
37. For the wise use of their talents
Loving God, thank you for filling my children with numerous gifts, talents, and abilities. As they mature, let them exercise wisdom in using their gifts to help others.
38. To be honest
Gracious God, let my children always exhibit honesty of conduct and honesty of speech. May there be nothing deceitful in what they say and do. Instill in them the awareness that life flows more smoothly when it is built around honesty.
39. To practice hospitality
Eternal God, may my children be open and affirming of all others. May they be the ones who reach out, embracing those who are left out or left behind.
40. To be faithful in prayer
Gracious and loving God, help my children to live lives punctuated by prayer. With the Apostle may they "pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests" {Eph. 6:18}. May they be persistent and powerful in their praying.
Let's not only protect our children in body, but in spirit as well.
Just a thought...
One of the great privileges of parenthood is that we can ask God to work in the lives of our children. These 40 prayers can be offered as a 40-day cycle of prayer {patterned after Jesus' own 40-day spiritual retreat in Matthew 4} or simply used during the course of each day.
1. For the knowledge of God
Dear God, the Psalmist declares, "Be still, and know that I am God" {Psalm 46:10}. In their busyness, may my children have quiet moments in which they think and reflect about God in their lives.
2. For salvation
Loving God, the Apostle Paul reminds us that the Gospel "is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes" {Romans 1:16}. Help my children learn to trust in you early in their lives and remain faithfully committed to your ways throughout their lives.
3. For myself as a parent
Gracious God, fill me with sensitivity and insight that I may understand the best ways to guide my children so they may grow in your wisdom and love.
4. For parenting patience
Loving God, although family life is often hectic and busy, help me to listen with patience to the worries, troubles, and problems my children may have.
5. For kindness of speech
Gracious God, so many children have been deeply wounded because they have been the brunt of criticism, teasing, and taunting. May my children exhibit kindness in their speech. Let the words of Psalm 19:14 be true for my children: "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight."
6. To recognize their mistakes
Dear God, may my children recognize when they are wrong and take responsibility where they are at fault. Give them a deep and sincere desire to put things right as quickly as possible.
7. For love
Gracious God, let my children follow the command of Jesus to "love one another" {John 13:34}. Let them reach out with love to all within their sphere of influence.
8. For spiritual stability
Oh God, in times of moral uncertainty and temptation, empower my children to exhibit spiritual stability. May the words of Joshua have a firm grip in their hearts: "You are to hold fast to the Lord your God" {Joshua 23:8}.
9. To help bear burdens
Loving God, let it be that my children are the ones who quickly reach out, helping to lift the burdens of others. Through my example, may my children understand the importance of fulfilling the call of Scripture to "carry each other's burdens" {Gal. 6:2}.
10. To be instruments of peace
Gracious God, may my children guide their thoughts, words, and actions by the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi: "Make me an instrument of your peace: where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy."
11. To celebrate humanity
Dear God, this world is filled with beautiful people, all of whom are your children. May my own children be free of discriminatory and judgmental attitudes toward others. Let them appreciate and celebrate the fact that people are red and yellow, black and white, tall and short, fat and thin, rich and poor, young and old.
12. For spiritual & emotional growth
Loving God, let my children be like Jesus who "grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men" {Luke 2:52}.
13. To be salt & light
Gracious God, may my children learn how to cooperate rather than compete, to respect rather than revile, and to console rather than condemn. Even in their limited circles of influence, may they be "the salt of the earth" and the "light of the world" {Matt. 5:13-14}.
14. For protection
Eternal God, as my children go out this day may your loving protection go ahead of them, be behind them, hover over them, and stand beside them. This day protect them from every danger, disease, and trauma.
15. For faith in times of difficulty
Dear God, whenever my children face trial, trouble, or fear, let them naturally turn to you for guidance and strength. May my children know this powerful promise of scripture: "The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms" {Deut. 33:27}.
16. To remember the marginalized
Dear God, create in my children hearts of love and compassion for those whom society overlooks. Let them understand the importance of this biblical command: "Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering" {Heb. 13:3}.
17. For growth in grace
Loving God, day by day and in every way, let my children "grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" {2 Peter 3:18}.
18. For contentment
Loving God, let my children cultivate the same spiritual contentment as did the Apostle Paul, who said: "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" {Phil. 4:11-12}.
19. To be unselfish
Gracious God, give my children more love, more self-denial, more willingness to sacrifice for others. Let them understand deeply that it is more blessed to give than to receive.
20. For wisdom
Loving God, may your spirit be so present in the lives of my children that their thoughts are your thoughts and their ideas are your ideas.
21. To offer confession & seek forgiveness
Gracious God, may there be in my children no propensity for denial of truth and reality. When they err and do wrong, may they offer you confession and seek your forgiveness. Let them take comfort in your word, which says: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" {1 John 1:9}.
22. To be "clothed" in virtues
Dear God, may my children constantly and consistently be clothed "with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience" {Col. 3:12}.
23. For humility in victory & dignity in defeat
Dear God, life is made up of valleys and peaks, wins and losses. There will be times when my children will make important gains and other times when they will feel the sting of losing. May they have humility in their victory and dignity in defeat.
24. For appreciation of God's creation
Loving God, show my children how to love all animals, birds, creatures, and all green and growing things. Help them to cherish and protect your creation.
25. For gratitude
Dear God, let gratitude, praise, and thanksgiving continuously flow from the lips of my children. May they "give thanks in all circumstances" {1 Thess. 5:18}.
26. For the courage of convictions
Gracious God, convictions mean nothing unless there is the courage to stand up for them. May my children "be strong and courageous" {Joshua 1:6}, standing up for those treated unkindly and unjustly.
27. For emotional & spiritual strength
Eternal God, whenever my children feel the pain of rejection by friends or feel they are the objects of ridicule, infuse them with emotional and spiritual strength. May they always remember that you are the strength of the weak, the refreshment of the weary, and the comforter of the heartbroken.
28. To be joyful Christians
Loving God, bless my children with the spirit of joy. May they smile naturally, laugh easily, rejoice in your gifts large and small. Let the words of the Psalmist resound in their lives: "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" {Psalm 118:24}.
29. To be free from materialism
Gracious God, even in their youth let my children be free from materialism. May they enjoy their benefits, privileges, and material possessions without the constant clamor for more and more and more. And, should they be blessed with wealth in their adult years, may they know the importance of sharing and using their abundance to bless others.
30. For peace & justice
Eternal God, nurture in my children a love for the many people who live in poverty and misery. Arouse in their hearts a deep and abiding hunger for justice and peace.
31. To be filled with hope
Loving God, no matter what may befall my children, may they be so filled with hope that it prevents any despair from taking hold. With the Apostle I pray that you, "the God of hope" {Romans 15:13}, will fill them with all joy and peace.
32. For perseverance
Dear God, keep my children from becoming impatient and quitting prematurely. Develop within them endurance and perseverance so that when faced with major challenges and crises they do not easily give up. Let my children be "joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" {Romans 12:12}.
33. For a passionate love of God
Gracious God, cultivate in my children a passion to love and serve you. May my children have the same kind of passionate love for you as did this Psalm writer: "I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you" {Psalms 9:1-2}.
34. For generosity of spirit
Loving God, instill in my children a desire to give of themselves. May they always be honorable in action, sincere in words, and gentle in their treatment of others.
35. To be forgiving
Eternal God, fill my children with the spirit of forgiveness. Whenever they are hurt, may they naturally forgive and thereby free themselves from the burden of resentment. May they take seriously this word from the Apostle: "Forgive as the Lord forgave you" {Col. 3:13}.
36. To have a teachable spirit
Gracious God, infuse in each of my children the awareness that the world is filled with teachers. May they see others as being sent by you into their lives to teach them to learn better patience, greater love, more compassion.
37. For the wise use of their talents
Loving God, thank you for filling my children with numerous gifts, talents, and abilities. As they mature, let them exercise wisdom in using their gifts to help others.
38. To be honest
Gracious God, let my children always exhibit honesty of conduct and honesty of speech. May there be nothing deceitful in what they say and do. Instill in them the awareness that life flows more smoothly when it is built around honesty.
39. To practice hospitality
Eternal God, may my children be open and affirming of all others. May they be the ones who reach out, embracing those who are left out or left behind.
40. To be faithful in prayer
Gracious and loving God, help my children to live lives punctuated by prayer. With the Apostle may they "pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests" {Eph. 6:18}. May they be persistent and powerful in their praying.
Let's not only protect our children in body, but in spirit as well.
Just a thought...
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Psalm 139...
God's Omnipresence and Omniscience.
O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O LORD, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,"
Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day
Darkness and light are alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the (U)depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The (days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand
When I awake, I am still with You.
O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
For they speak against You wickedly,
And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
I hate them with the utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.
To really believe all the Lord is saying in this, would be the freedom our Father talks about. Which in turn would bring the peace the Lord talks about, peace that surpasses all understanding.
Just a thought...
O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O LORD, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,"
Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day
Darkness and light are alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the (U)depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The (days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand
When I awake, I am still with You.
O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
For they speak against You wickedly,
And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
I hate them with the utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.
To really believe all the Lord is saying in this, would be the freedom our Father talks about. Which in turn would bring the peace the Lord talks about, peace that surpasses all understanding.
Just a thought...
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Love your enemies....
Luke 6:27-36
[27] "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, [28] bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. [29] If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. [30] Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. [31] Do to others as you would have them do to you.
[32] "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. [33] And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. [34] And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. [35] But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. [36] Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
If you are looking for a nice, comfortable religion that doesn't call for too many demands on your life, makes you feel better when you're down, and will reserve luxury suites for you in heaven when you die, then you probably shouldn't try to be one of Jesus' disciples. He is demanding. He has the crazy notion that his followers should serve others rather than themselves. He expects them to show integrity when no one is looking. And he expects them to love. Not just people who only occasionally have a bad day. But enemies. Jesus expects you to love your enemies. Don't follow him unless you're ready to experience some discomfort.
The Blessings and Woes at the beginning of the Sermon on the Plain are radical. The poor, not the rich, will be rewarded. Then Jesus says to be happy when you are persecuted. "Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets." (6:23). Now he goes a step further. We are to love our persecutors.
Love Your Enemies (6:27-28)
The world says -- rightly -- "Love your friends. Be loyal to your friends. Look out for your friends." Why? Friends will look out for you. Loving your friends is just smart. This also goes to loving your wife or your husband. As the Apostle Paul observes, "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (Ephesians 5:28). Loving your wife is a no-brainer unless you're self-destructive. Loving your friends and your spouse is just enlightened self-interest.
But it's altogether another thing to love an enemy, someone who has your disgrace or destruction as a goal. Notice as Jesus teaches his disciples in this passage he uses the familiar rhythm of Hebrew parallelism.
"Love your enemies,
Do good to them who hate you."
But Jesus says that we are not to just force a smile and mind our own business when we are hated and mistreated. We are to actively try to do good towards our attackers. Agapao is a rare word in Koiné Greek. It was developed almost exclusively in Christian literature to refer to the kind of love that doesn't serve itself, but extends itself for the sake of another. The other Greek words for love are eros, erotic love, philos, love for family, brotherly love, and stergos, natural affection. Agape love is really a different category of love that the world hadn't seen in action until Jesus came along and infected his followers with it.
Personal Enemies
Let's pause for a moment. Who are your enemies? I'm not asking who you hate? I'm asking who hates you, or despises you? Often they are the people close to us who have been hurt. A spouse or former spouse. A parent. A son or daughter. A co-worker at the job. An enemy of God who takes it out on you. Someone whose evil action you have exposed and is now out to get you. Who are your enemies?
Now what can you actively do to seek their good? That is the way Jesus is training his disciples to think.
How do I love my enemy? you ask with all seriousness. This isn't a matter of just thinking nice thoughts. We need Jesus to do a heart change within us, to put the kind of heart within us toward our enemies that was in God who sent Jesus to redeem and forgive a world full of despicable people. God-haters, vulgar, foul-mouthed, unfaithful to spouses, lying, cheating, stealing, selfish. The list goes on, and on describes us at our worst. Somehow God loves the people of Israel who thumb their noses at him again and again. He doesn't quit. They are unfaithful and are punished, but then God is at it again seeking to bless them. He doesn't give up. He has a heart of love toward the loveless. That is what we need to love our own enemies. We have plenty of strong examples from our God to follow.
So how do you do it? I don't think we wait for emotions of love. Rather we start with actions of love, and emotions may follow later. We start doing what Jesus taught right here:
Do good. When you find a way you can do something good for one of your worst enemies, do it. Not to shame him, but because you are trying to find it in your own evil heart to love him for Jesus' sake.
Bless. When you think of the person who is slandering you, and saying untrue and nasty things about you, find ways to work blessing into your thoughts. Speak a blessing out loud. When you are with friends, instead of complaining about your unjust treatment, go out of your way (actively) to speak well of your enemies. Why? To shame them? No -- though it will. But to find it in your own heart to love them.
Pray. Intercede. When you're praying, you probably pray for your family and your pastor, and your friends and family. Why don't you begin to pray and intercede for your enemies. Actively. Start to ask God to help them. Ask God to heal the hurts in their lives that are some of the motivators of their evil actions. Ask God to bless them and show mercy to them. Why? To shame them? No, in order to find it in your heart to love them.
And if you'll do good when you find opportunities, and bless when you think of them, and pray and intercede earnestly before the Lord, you'll find that God will begin to put love in your heart toward your enemies. Actual love. Sometimes loving emotions, too.
Think of one person who you feel has done you wrong and take a week to pray for them. I doubt they will change but your heart will toward that person.
Just a thought...
[27] "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, [28] bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. [29] If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. [30] Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. [31] Do to others as you would have them do to you.
[32] "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. [33] And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. [34] And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. [35] But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. [36] Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
If you are looking for a nice, comfortable religion that doesn't call for too many demands on your life, makes you feel better when you're down, and will reserve luxury suites for you in heaven when you die, then you probably shouldn't try to be one of Jesus' disciples. He is demanding. He has the crazy notion that his followers should serve others rather than themselves. He expects them to show integrity when no one is looking. And he expects them to love. Not just people who only occasionally have a bad day. But enemies. Jesus expects you to love your enemies. Don't follow him unless you're ready to experience some discomfort.
The Blessings and Woes at the beginning of the Sermon on the Plain are radical. The poor, not the rich, will be rewarded. Then Jesus says to be happy when you are persecuted. "Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets." (6:23). Now he goes a step further. We are to love our persecutors.
Love Your Enemies (6:27-28)
The world says -- rightly -- "Love your friends. Be loyal to your friends. Look out for your friends." Why? Friends will look out for you. Loving your friends is just smart. This also goes to loving your wife or your husband. As the Apostle Paul observes, "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (Ephesians 5:28). Loving your wife is a no-brainer unless you're self-destructive. Loving your friends and your spouse is just enlightened self-interest.
But it's altogether another thing to love an enemy, someone who has your disgrace or destruction as a goal. Notice as Jesus teaches his disciples in this passage he uses the familiar rhythm of Hebrew parallelism.
"Love your enemies,
Do good to them who hate you."
But Jesus says that we are not to just force a smile and mind our own business when we are hated and mistreated. We are to actively try to do good towards our attackers. Agapao is a rare word in Koiné Greek. It was developed almost exclusively in Christian literature to refer to the kind of love that doesn't serve itself, but extends itself for the sake of another. The other Greek words for love are eros, erotic love, philos, love for family, brotherly love, and stergos, natural affection. Agape love is really a different category of love that the world hadn't seen in action until Jesus came along and infected his followers with it.
Personal Enemies
Let's pause for a moment. Who are your enemies? I'm not asking who you hate? I'm asking who hates you, or despises you? Often they are the people close to us who have been hurt. A spouse or former spouse. A parent. A son or daughter. A co-worker at the job. An enemy of God who takes it out on you. Someone whose evil action you have exposed and is now out to get you. Who are your enemies?
Now what can you actively do to seek their good? That is the way Jesus is training his disciples to think.
How do I love my enemy? you ask with all seriousness. This isn't a matter of just thinking nice thoughts. We need Jesus to do a heart change within us, to put the kind of heart within us toward our enemies that was in God who sent Jesus to redeem and forgive a world full of despicable people. God-haters, vulgar, foul-mouthed, unfaithful to spouses, lying, cheating, stealing, selfish. The list goes on, and on describes us at our worst. Somehow God loves the people of Israel who thumb their noses at him again and again. He doesn't quit. They are unfaithful and are punished, but then God is at it again seeking to bless them. He doesn't give up. He has a heart of love toward the loveless. That is what we need to love our own enemies. We have plenty of strong examples from our God to follow.
So how do you do it? I don't think we wait for emotions of love. Rather we start with actions of love, and emotions may follow later. We start doing what Jesus taught right here:
Do good. When you find a way you can do something good for one of your worst enemies, do it. Not to shame him, but because you are trying to find it in your own evil heart to love him for Jesus' sake.
Bless. When you think of the person who is slandering you, and saying untrue and nasty things about you, find ways to work blessing into your thoughts. Speak a blessing out loud. When you are with friends, instead of complaining about your unjust treatment, go out of your way (actively) to speak well of your enemies. Why? To shame them? No -- though it will. But to find it in your own heart to love them.
Pray. Intercede. When you're praying, you probably pray for your family and your pastor, and your friends and family. Why don't you begin to pray and intercede for your enemies. Actively. Start to ask God to help them. Ask God to heal the hurts in their lives that are some of the motivators of their evil actions. Ask God to bless them and show mercy to them. Why? To shame them? No, in order to find it in your heart to love them.
And if you'll do good when you find opportunities, and bless when you think of them, and pray and intercede earnestly before the Lord, you'll find that God will begin to put love in your heart toward your enemies. Actual love. Sometimes loving emotions, too.
Think of one person who you feel has done you wrong and take a week to pray for them. I doubt they will change but your heart will toward that person.
Just a thought...
Sunday, September 16, 2007
The Tragedy Of The Enabling Parent...
The issue is that of strife in the family due to one parent taking on the role of the enabler while the other family members have stopped enabling. This is a very bad place to be. The addict will ensnare the enabling parent by insisting on his "help" no matter what the cost to the rest of the family or your bank account. You should know that if an addict can get his way, he will not care how it will complicate your life, marriage, or your relationship with your other children. Many addicts play one parent against the other in order to get their way. This is something you must realize and take steps to stop if it is already wreaking havoc in your life.The Enabling Parent causes strife and grief in the lives of many including their own. It is shown that there is much physical and emotional consequences on the enabler because of the addict. There is a physical, almost addiction, that an enabler gets from enabling. Like a runner who gets addicted to the endorphins, an enabler gets addicted to the relief of stress when "helping" out the addicted person from facing their consequences. This is usually short lived and the cycle continues.
The main theme on this subject is as follows:"I have a brother who is addicted to drugs, me and my mother have told my dad that he must stop enabling my brother's behavior. We have told him the dangers, etc.. but he refuses to stop enabling him because he says my brother would not have anyone else to help him and that he will not turn his back on his son". He pays his bills, gives him money and bails him out of jail every time! Can you please help me, my dad just won't listen? The father, the enabling parent in this situation, along with other family members are the only ones who are truly ABLE to do something since the addict himself will not.Here we have the mother and sister of the addict who have already realized that enabling is not helping the addict. The dad on the other hand is still caught in the web of enabling.What can the distraught family members do who struggle to get through to the enabling dad?The truth is always the best and it is no exception in this case. They must make sure they have faced the enabling dad with that truth. They must tell him how his behavior is ultimately pushing the addict on into deeper addiction by taking care of the addicted son's needs and worsening it by giving him the money or resources to get more drugs. They must tell the enabling dad that he is putting up a barrier that prevents his addicted son from facing consequences that we ALL must face as a result of our wrongdoing in this life. They must tell him that taking care of every need his addicted son has and is getting in God’s way and blocking his son from hitting rock bottom. The enabling dad is guilty of hurting his addicted son, yet he believes he's helping him.What can the father do if he wants to do right by his addicted son? Stop pushing the addicted son toward deeper addiction by giving him money, paying his bills, etc. Who is the enabling dad hurting in this saga? The answer is not only his addicted son, read on:1. He is hurting his addicted son by enabling him to continue his life of addiction.2. He is hurting his daughter by coddling and enabling the addict brother. The father is showing his daughter who is not addicted, that's it's ok to do wrong and not ever suffer consequences. He's showing the daughter that anything her brother wants, he gets. He is showing his daughter that he is a pushover and is naive and gullible in the extreme and is worthy of being used, abused and manipulated. 3. He is hurting his wife by CHOOSING the addict over his wife. Also, if there is abuse by the addict, he is CHOOSING to keep his wife in a dangerous situation. This says to the addict, that they are more important than the spouse and the abuse will esculate, perhaps until it's to late. . Many fights and much strife has abided in the households of those who have addicted children. In this situation, the wife sees what is going on and has stopped enabling her addicted son while the dad continues bending over backwards in order to supply everything his addicted son desires. The very focus of this family is geared toward the addicted child. 4. The enabling dad is hurting himself. We all have opinions and views of our family members, our views are based upon what they believe, do and say. In this situation, the father who is enabling is viewed poorly by his addicted son, even though he provides the son everything and denies him nothing. Make no mistake, the addict son views the enabling dad as weak and someone worthy to be conned and manipulated. The daughter sees her father in the same light. The wife views her husband the same as the daughter does. Yes, in this situation, the only one thinking he is doing his addicted son a great service is the enabling dad. Addicts Look For Anyone To Use While an addict has anyone taking care of the responsibilities that he himself should be taking care of, he will NEVER get better. Why would he? He has the best of both worlds. He does not have to work and he does not have to be RESPONSIBLE for anything he needs to live this life. He has already learned how to WORK his family over to such a great extent that he has no need to put forth an ounce of effort to take care of himself! Why else should the enabling father say NO to his drug addict son? Bad behavior such as: lying, stealing and manipulating is not something that we should allow from our family members. Just because we love them and they are family does NOT give them the right to use, abuse, and manipulate us.God himself and Jesus Christ our Savior does not want this for us. For us to by lied to, manipulated or used by a family member is not God's will for our lives!In fact, our family members should be the very ones who can be counted on to treat us with respect, loyalty, love and honesty. Most parents do not want to face the truth that their addicted child is blatantly using them and conning them. Even though they may have a sense this is what's going on, they choose to believe otherwise.Why does the enabling parent keep this up? At the heart of enabling, there is a feeling that just one more time of helping the addict will make all the difference ... What does this mean? The enabling parent feels that THIS TIME things will be different. "If I just help them out this one LAST time". I have known addicts who are so accustomed to having their enabling parent tell them, "This is the last time I help you" , that their response is a muffled "Yeah Right ". The response is as if to say, "I know you don't mean a word of it. You'll ALWAYS do what I want you to do, your actions so far have shown it.... so get off my back"! When an enabling parent gives out warnings such as the one above, this is like a joke to the drug addicted child. A running joke that is, because by this time the enabling parent's "warnings" have went on for years. Children LEARN from experience what they can get by with, and a drug addicted person is like a cunning, manipulative child who learns from watching his enabling parent give into his every whim. The enabling parent simply must come to this realization.Why does the enabling parent believe their addicted child and continue enabling them? The parent does this because they have been lied to all along by their addicted child. An addict will say to their enabling parent that they:1. Would stop if so and so would just... putting negative light on another person in the family 2. have a good lead on a great job 3. When they feel better then they can...!These words are intended to play on the sympathy of the enabling parent.This is just stringing the enabling parent along and the addicted child knows what the parent wants to hear, so that is what he tells him or her . When it gets to the point where neither the addict nor the enabler dance the dance anympore, this is a dangerous place to get to. Until the enbler comes to the conclusions that what they are doing isn't working for anyone but the addict, then everyone will suffer and not much can be done by the others.
Written by: Conquers In Christ
Are you enabling your spouse or child? If so, ask yourself the question why? Make a list of who this helping and who this is isn't, and then ask yourself the question again, why?
Hard times in our lives are like a sinking ship. If there are those who want to live, why spend your energy saving those who don't want to be saved. Possibly, letting them get the will to be saved, would be saving them after all.
Just a thought...
The main theme on this subject is as follows:"I have a brother who is addicted to drugs, me and my mother have told my dad that he must stop enabling my brother's behavior. We have told him the dangers, etc.. but he refuses to stop enabling him because he says my brother would not have anyone else to help him and that he will not turn his back on his son". He pays his bills, gives him money and bails him out of jail every time! Can you please help me, my dad just won't listen? The father, the enabling parent in this situation, along with other family members are the only ones who are truly ABLE to do something since the addict himself will not.Here we have the mother and sister of the addict who have already realized that enabling is not helping the addict. The dad on the other hand is still caught in the web of enabling.What can the distraught family members do who struggle to get through to the enabling dad?The truth is always the best and it is no exception in this case. They must make sure they have faced the enabling dad with that truth. They must tell him how his behavior is ultimately pushing the addict on into deeper addiction by taking care of the addicted son's needs and worsening it by giving him the money or resources to get more drugs. They must tell the enabling dad that he is putting up a barrier that prevents his addicted son from facing consequences that we ALL must face as a result of our wrongdoing in this life. They must tell him that taking care of every need his addicted son has and is getting in God’s way and blocking his son from hitting rock bottom. The enabling dad is guilty of hurting his addicted son, yet he believes he's helping him.What can the father do if he wants to do right by his addicted son? Stop pushing the addicted son toward deeper addiction by giving him money, paying his bills, etc. Who is the enabling dad hurting in this saga? The answer is not only his addicted son, read on:1. He is hurting his addicted son by enabling him to continue his life of addiction.2. He is hurting his daughter by coddling and enabling the addict brother. The father is showing his daughter who is not addicted, that's it's ok to do wrong and not ever suffer consequences. He's showing the daughter that anything her brother wants, he gets. He is showing his daughter that he is a pushover and is naive and gullible in the extreme and is worthy of being used, abused and manipulated. 3. He is hurting his wife by CHOOSING the addict over his wife. Also, if there is abuse by the addict, he is CHOOSING to keep his wife in a dangerous situation. This says to the addict, that they are more important than the spouse and the abuse will esculate, perhaps until it's to late. . Many fights and much strife has abided in the households of those who have addicted children. In this situation, the wife sees what is going on and has stopped enabling her addicted son while the dad continues bending over backwards in order to supply everything his addicted son desires. The very focus of this family is geared toward the addicted child. 4. The enabling dad is hurting himself. We all have opinions and views of our family members, our views are based upon what they believe, do and say. In this situation, the father who is enabling is viewed poorly by his addicted son, even though he provides the son everything and denies him nothing. Make no mistake, the addict son views the enabling dad as weak and someone worthy to be conned and manipulated. The daughter sees her father in the same light. The wife views her husband the same as the daughter does. Yes, in this situation, the only one thinking he is doing his addicted son a great service is the enabling dad. Addicts Look For Anyone To Use While an addict has anyone taking care of the responsibilities that he himself should be taking care of, he will NEVER get better. Why would he? He has the best of both worlds. He does not have to work and he does not have to be RESPONSIBLE for anything he needs to live this life. He has already learned how to WORK his family over to such a great extent that he has no need to put forth an ounce of effort to take care of himself! Why else should the enabling father say NO to his drug addict son? Bad behavior such as: lying, stealing and manipulating is not something that we should allow from our family members. Just because we love them and they are family does NOT give them the right to use, abuse, and manipulate us.God himself and Jesus Christ our Savior does not want this for us. For us to by lied to, manipulated or used by a family member is not God's will for our lives!In fact, our family members should be the very ones who can be counted on to treat us with respect, loyalty, love and honesty. Most parents do not want to face the truth that their addicted child is blatantly using them and conning them. Even though they may have a sense this is what's going on, they choose to believe otherwise.Why does the enabling parent keep this up? At the heart of enabling, there is a feeling that just one more time of helping the addict will make all the difference ... What does this mean? The enabling parent feels that THIS TIME things will be different. "If I just help them out this one LAST time". I have known addicts who are so accustomed to having their enabling parent tell them, "This is the last time I help you" , that their response is a muffled "Yeah Right ". The response is as if to say, "I know you don't mean a word of it. You'll ALWAYS do what I want you to do, your actions so far have shown it.... so get off my back"! When an enabling parent gives out warnings such as the one above, this is like a joke to the drug addicted child. A running joke that is, because by this time the enabling parent's "warnings" have went on for years. Children LEARN from experience what they can get by with, and a drug addicted person is like a cunning, manipulative child who learns from watching his enabling parent give into his every whim. The enabling parent simply must come to this realization.Why does the enabling parent believe their addicted child and continue enabling them? The parent does this because they have been lied to all along by their addicted child. An addict will say to their enabling parent that they:1. Would stop if so and so would just... putting negative light on another person in the family 2. have a good lead on a great job 3. When they feel better then they can...!These words are intended to play on the sympathy of the enabling parent.This is just stringing the enabling parent along and the addicted child knows what the parent wants to hear, so that is what he tells him or her . When it gets to the point where neither the addict nor the enabler dance the dance anympore, this is a dangerous place to get to. Until the enbler comes to the conclusions that what they are doing isn't working for anyone but the addict, then everyone will suffer and not much can be done by the others.
Written by: Conquers In Christ
Are you enabling your spouse or child? If so, ask yourself the question why? Make a list of who this helping and who this is isn't, and then ask yourself the question again, why?
Hard times in our lives are like a sinking ship. If there are those who want to live, why spend your energy saving those who don't want to be saved. Possibly, letting them get the will to be saved, would be saving them after all.
Just a thought...
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