Get specific with these simple prayers for your child's character from Christianity Today.
One of the great privileges of parenthood is that we can ask God to work in the lives of our children. These 40 prayers can be offered as a 40-day cycle of prayer {patterned after Jesus' own 40-day spiritual retreat in Matthew 4} or simply used during the course of each day.
1. For the knowledge of God
Dear God, the Psalmist declares, "Be still, and know that I am God" {Psalm 46:10}. In their busyness, may my children have quiet moments in which they think and reflect about God in their lives.
2. For salvation
Loving God, the Apostle Paul reminds us that the Gospel "is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes" {Romans 1:16}. Help my children learn to trust in you early in their lives and remain faithfully committed to your ways throughout their lives.
3. For myself as a parent
Gracious God, fill me with sensitivity and insight that I may understand the best ways to guide my children so they may grow in your wisdom and love.
4. For parenting patience
Loving God, although family life is often hectic and busy, help me to listen with patience to the worries, troubles, and problems my children may have.
5. For kindness of speech
Gracious God, so many children have been deeply wounded because they have been the brunt of criticism, teasing, and taunting. May my children exhibit kindness in their speech. Let the words of Psalm 19:14 be true for my children: "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight."
6. To recognize their mistakes
Dear God, may my children recognize when they are wrong and take responsibility where they are at fault. Give them a deep and sincere desire to put things right as quickly as possible.
7. For love
Gracious God, let my children follow the command of Jesus to "love one another" {John 13:34}. Let them reach out with love to all within their sphere of influence.
8. For spiritual stability
Oh God, in times of moral uncertainty and temptation, empower my children to exhibit spiritual stability. May the words of Joshua have a firm grip in their hearts: "You are to hold fast to the Lord your God" {Joshua 23:8}.
9. To help bear burdens
Loving God, let it be that my children are the ones who quickly reach out, helping to lift the burdens of others. Through my example, may my children understand the importance of fulfilling the call of Scripture to "carry each other's burdens" {Gal. 6:2}.
10. To be instruments of peace
Gracious God, may my children guide their thoughts, words, and actions by the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi: "Make me an instrument of your peace: where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy."
11. To celebrate humanity
Dear God, this world is filled with beautiful people, all of whom are your children. May my own children be free of discriminatory and judgmental attitudes toward others. Let them appreciate and celebrate the fact that people are red and yellow, black and white, tall and short, fat and thin, rich and poor, young and old.
12. For spiritual & emotional growth
Loving God, let my children be like Jesus who "grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men" {Luke 2:52}.
13. To be salt & light
Gracious God, may my children learn how to cooperate rather than compete, to respect rather than revile, and to console rather than condemn. Even in their limited circles of influence, may they be "the salt of the earth" and the "light of the world" {Matt. 5:13-14}.
14. For protection
Eternal God, as my children go out this day may your loving protection go ahead of them, be behind them, hover over them, and stand beside them. This day protect them from every danger, disease, and trauma.
15. For faith in times of difficulty
Dear God, whenever my children face trial, trouble, or fear, let them naturally turn to you for guidance and strength. May my children know this powerful promise of scripture: "The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms" {Deut. 33:27}.
16. To remember the marginalized
Dear God, create in my children hearts of love and compassion for those whom society overlooks. Let them understand the importance of this biblical command: "Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering" {Heb. 13:3}.
17. For growth in grace
Loving God, day by day and in every way, let my children "grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" {2 Peter 3:18}.
18. For contentment
Loving God, let my children cultivate the same spiritual contentment as did the Apostle Paul, who said: "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" {Phil. 4:11-12}.
19. To be unselfish
Gracious God, give my children more love, more self-denial, more willingness to sacrifice for others. Let them understand deeply that it is more blessed to give than to receive.
20. For wisdom
Loving God, may your spirit be so present in the lives of my children that their thoughts are your thoughts and their ideas are your ideas.
21. To offer confession & seek forgiveness
Gracious God, may there be in my children no propensity for denial of truth and reality. When they err and do wrong, may they offer you confession and seek your forgiveness. Let them take comfort in your word, which says: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" {1 John 1:9}.
22. To be "clothed" in virtues
Dear God, may my children constantly and consistently be clothed "with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience" {Col. 3:12}.
23. For humility in victory & dignity in defeat
Dear God, life is made up of valleys and peaks, wins and losses. There will be times when my children will make important gains and other times when they will feel the sting of losing. May they have humility in their victory and dignity in defeat.
24. For appreciation of God's creation
Loving God, show my children how to love all animals, birds, creatures, and all green and growing things. Help them to cherish and protect your creation.
25. For gratitude
Dear God, let gratitude, praise, and thanksgiving continuously flow from the lips of my children. May they "give thanks in all circumstances" {1 Thess. 5:18}.
26. For the courage of convictions
Gracious God, convictions mean nothing unless there is the courage to stand up for them. May my children "be strong and courageous" {Joshua 1:6}, standing up for those treated unkindly and unjustly.
27. For emotional & spiritual strength
Eternal God, whenever my children feel the pain of rejection by friends or feel they are the objects of ridicule, infuse them with emotional and spiritual strength. May they always remember that you are the strength of the weak, the refreshment of the weary, and the comforter of the heartbroken.
28. To be joyful Christians
Loving God, bless my children with the spirit of joy. May they smile naturally, laugh easily, rejoice in your gifts large and small. Let the words of the Psalmist resound in their lives: "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" {Psalm 118:24}.
29. To be free from materialism
Gracious God, even in their youth let my children be free from materialism. May they enjoy their benefits, privileges, and material possessions without the constant clamor for more and more and more. And, should they be blessed with wealth in their adult years, may they know the importance of sharing and using their abundance to bless others.
30. For peace & justice
Eternal God, nurture in my children a love for the many people who live in poverty and misery. Arouse in their hearts a deep and abiding hunger for justice and peace.
31. To be filled with hope
Loving God, no matter what may befall my children, may they be so filled with hope that it prevents any despair from taking hold. With the Apostle I pray that you, "the God of hope" {Romans 15:13}, will fill them with all joy and peace.
32. For perseverance
Dear God, keep my children from becoming impatient and quitting prematurely. Develop within them endurance and perseverance so that when faced with major challenges and crises they do not easily give up. Let my children be "joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" {Romans 12:12}.
33. For a passionate love of God
Gracious God, cultivate in my children a passion to love and serve you. May my children have the same kind of passionate love for you as did this Psalm writer: "I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you" {Psalms 9:1-2}.
34. For generosity of spirit
Loving God, instill in my children a desire to give of themselves. May they always be honorable in action, sincere in words, and gentle in their treatment of others.
35. To be forgiving
Eternal God, fill my children with the spirit of forgiveness. Whenever they are hurt, may they naturally forgive and thereby free themselves from the burden of resentment. May they take seriously this word from the Apostle: "Forgive as the Lord forgave you" {Col. 3:13}.
36. To have a teachable spirit
Gracious God, infuse in each of my children the awareness that the world is filled with teachers. May they see others as being sent by you into their lives to teach them to learn better patience, greater love, more compassion.
37. For the wise use of their talents
Loving God, thank you for filling my children with numerous gifts, talents, and abilities. As they mature, let them exercise wisdom in using their gifts to help others.
38. To be honest
Gracious God, let my children always exhibit honesty of conduct and honesty of speech. May there be nothing deceitful in what they say and do. Instill in them the awareness that life flows more smoothly when it is built around honesty.
39. To practice hospitality
Eternal God, may my children be open and affirming of all others. May they be the ones who reach out, embracing those who are left out or left behind.
40. To be faithful in prayer
Gracious and loving God, help my children to live lives punctuated by prayer. With the Apostle may they "pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests" {Eph. 6:18}. May they be persistent and powerful in their praying.
Let's not only protect our children in body, but in spirit as well.
Just a thought...
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Psalm 139...
God's Omnipresence and Omniscience.
O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O LORD, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,"
Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day
Darkness and light are alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the (U)depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The (days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand
When I awake, I am still with You.
O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
For they speak against You wickedly,
And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
I hate them with the utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.
To really believe all the Lord is saying in this, would be the freedom our Father talks about. Which in turn would bring the peace the Lord talks about, peace that surpasses all understanding.
Just a thought...
O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O LORD, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,"
Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day
Darkness and light are alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the (U)depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The (days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand
When I awake, I am still with You.
O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
For they speak against You wickedly,
And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
I hate them with the utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.
To really believe all the Lord is saying in this, would be the freedom our Father talks about. Which in turn would bring the peace the Lord talks about, peace that surpasses all understanding.
Just a thought...
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Love your enemies....
Luke 6:27-36
[27] "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, [28] bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. [29] If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. [30] Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. [31] Do to others as you would have them do to you.
[32] "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. [33] And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. [34] And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. [35] But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. [36] Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
If you are looking for a nice, comfortable religion that doesn't call for too many demands on your life, makes you feel better when you're down, and will reserve luxury suites for you in heaven when you die, then you probably shouldn't try to be one of Jesus' disciples. He is demanding. He has the crazy notion that his followers should serve others rather than themselves. He expects them to show integrity when no one is looking. And he expects them to love. Not just people who only occasionally have a bad day. But enemies. Jesus expects you to love your enemies. Don't follow him unless you're ready to experience some discomfort.
The Blessings and Woes at the beginning of the Sermon on the Plain are radical. The poor, not the rich, will be rewarded. Then Jesus says to be happy when you are persecuted. "Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets." (6:23). Now he goes a step further. We are to love our persecutors.
Love Your Enemies (6:27-28)
The world says -- rightly -- "Love your friends. Be loyal to your friends. Look out for your friends." Why? Friends will look out for you. Loving your friends is just smart. This also goes to loving your wife or your husband. As the Apostle Paul observes, "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (Ephesians 5:28). Loving your wife is a no-brainer unless you're self-destructive. Loving your friends and your spouse is just enlightened self-interest.
But it's altogether another thing to love an enemy, someone who has your disgrace or destruction as a goal. Notice as Jesus teaches his disciples in this passage he uses the familiar rhythm of Hebrew parallelism.
"Love your enemies,
Do good to them who hate you."
But Jesus says that we are not to just force a smile and mind our own business when we are hated and mistreated. We are to actively try to do good towards our attackers. Agapao is a rare word in Koiné Greek. It was developed almost exclusively in Christian literature to refer to the kind of love that doesn't serve itself, but extends itself for the sake of another. The other Greek words for love are eros, erotic love, philos, love for family, brotherly love, and stergos, natural affection. Agape love is really a different category of love that the world hadn't seen in action until Jesus came along and infected his followers with it.
Personal Enemies
Let's pause for a moment. Who are your enemies? I'm not asking who you hate? I'm asking who hates you, or despises you? Often they are the people close to us who have been hurt. A spouse or former spouse. A parent. A son or daughter. A co-worker at the job. An enemy of God who takes it out on you. Someone whose evil action you have exposed and is now out to get you. Who are your enemies?
Now what can you actively do to seek their good? That is the way Jesus is training his disciples to think.
How do I love my enemy? you ask with all seriousness. This isn't a matter of just thinking nice thoughts. We need Jesus to do a heart change within us, to put the kind of heart within us toward our enemies that was in God who sent Jesus to redeem and forgive a world full of despicable people. God-haters, vulgar, foul-mouthed, unfaithful to spouses, lying, cheating, stealing, selfish. The list goes on, and on describes us at our worst. Somehow God loves the people of Israel who thumb their noses at him again and again. He doesn't quit. They are unfaithful and are punished, but then God is at it again seeking to bless them. He doesn't give up. He has a heart of love toward the loveless. That is what we need to love our own enemies. We have plenty of strong examples from our God to follow.
So how do you do it? I don't think we wait for emotions of love. Rather we start with actions of love, and emotions may follow later. We start doing what Jesus taught right here:
Do good. When you find a way you can do something good for one of your worst enemies, do it. Not to shame him, but because you are trying to find it in your own evil heart to love him for Jesus' sake.
Bless. When you think of the person who is slandering you, and saying untrue and nasty things about you, find ways to work blessing into your thoughts. Speak a blessing out loud. When you are with friends, instead of complaining about your unjust treatment, go out of your way (actively) to speak well of your enemies. Why? To shame them? No -- though it will. But to find it in your own heart to love them.
Pray. Intercede. When you're praying, you probably pray for your family and your pastor, and your friends and family. Why don't you begin to pray and intercede for your enemies. Actively. Start to ask God to help them. Ask God to heal the hurts in their lives that are some of the motivators of their evil actions. Ask God to bless them and show mercy to them. Why? To shame them? No, in order to find it in your heart to love them.
And if you'll do good when you find opportunities, and bless when you think of them, and pray and intercede earnestly before the Lord, you'll find that God will begin to put love in your heart toward your enemies. Actual love. Sometimes loving emotions, too.
Think of one person who you feel has done you wrong and take a week to pray for them. I doubt they will change but your heart will toward that person.
Just a thought...
[27] "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, [28] bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. [29] If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. [30] Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. [31] Do to others as you would have them do to you.
[32] "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. [33] And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. [34] And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. [35] But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. [36] Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
If you are looking for a nice, comfortable religion that doesn't call for too many demands on your life, makes you feel better when you're down, and will reserve luxury suites for you in heaven when you die, then you probably shouldn't try to be one of Jesus' disciples. He is demanding. He has the crazy notion that his followers should serve others rather than themselves. He expects them to show integrity when no one is looking. And he expects them to love. Not just people who only occasionally have a bad day. But enemies. Jesus expects you to love your enemies. Don't follow him unless you're ready to experience some discomfort.
The Blessings and Woes at the beginning of the Sermon on the Plain are radical. The poor, not the rich, will be rewarded. Then Jesus says to be happy when you are persecuted. "Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets." (6:23). Now he goes a step further. We are to love our persecutors.
Love Your Enemies (6:27-28)
The world says -- rightly -- "Love your friends. Be loyal to your friends. Look out for your friends." Why? Friends will look out for you. Loving your friends is just smart. This also goes to loving your wife or your husband. As the Apostle Paul observes, "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (Ephesians 5:28). Loving your wife is a no-brainer unless you're self-destructive. Loving your friends and your spouse is just enlightened self-interest.
But it's altogether another thing to love an enemy, someone who has your disgrace or destruction as a goal. Notice as Jesus teaches his disciples in this passage he uses the familiar rhythm of Hebrew parallelism.
"Love your enemies,
Do good to them who hate you."
But Jesus says that we are not to just force a smile and mind our own business when we are hated and mistreated. We are to actively try to do good towards our attackers. Agapao is a rare word in Koiné Greek. It was developed almost exclusively in Christian literature to refer to the kind of love that doesn't serve itself, but extends itself for the sake of another. The other Greek words for love are eros, erotic love, philos, love for family, brotherly love, and stergos, natural affection. Agape love is really a different category of love that the world hadn't seen in action until Jesus came along and infected his followers with it.
Personal Enemies
Let's pause for a moment. Who are your enemies? I'm not asking who you hate? I'm asking who hates you, or despises you? Often they are the people close to us who have been hurt. A spouse or former spouse. A parent. A son or daughter. A co-worker at the job. An enemy of God who takes it out on you. Someone whose evil action you have exposed and is now out to get you. Who are your enemies?
Now what can you actively do to seek their good? That is the way Jesus is training his disciples to think.
How do I love my enemy? you ask with all seriousness. This isn't a matter of just thinking nice thoughts. We need Jesus to do a heart change within us, to put the kind of heart within us toward our enemies that was in God who sent Jesus to redeem and forgive a world full of despicable people. God-haters, vulgar, foul-mouthed, unfaithful to spouses, lying, cheating, stealing, selfish. The list goes on, and on describes us at our worst. Somehow God loves the people of Israel who thumb their noses at him again and again. He doesn't quit. They are unfaithful and are punished, but then God is at it again seeking to bless them. He doesn't give up. He has a heart of love toward the loveless. That is what we need to love our own enemies. We have plenty of strong examples from our God to follow.
So how do you do it? I don't think we wait for emotions of love. Rather we start with actions of love, and emotions may follow later. We start doing what Jesus taught right here:
Do good. When you find a way you can do something good for one of your worst enemies, do it. Not to shame him, but because you are trying to find it in your own evil heart to love him for Jesus' sake.
Bless. When you think of the person who is slandering you, and saying untrue and nasty things about you, find ways to work blessing into your thoughts. Speak a blessing out loud. When you are with friends, instead of complaining about your unjust treatment, go out of your way (actively) to speak well of your enemies. Why? To shame them? No -- though it will. But to find it in your own heart to love them.
Pray. Intercede. When you're praying, you probably pray for your family and your pastor, and your friends and family. Why don't you begin to pray and intercede for your enemies. Actively. Start to ask God to help them. Ask God to heal the hurts in their lives that are some of the motivators of their evil actions. Ask God to bless them and show mercy to them. Why? To shame them? No, in order to find it in your heart to love them.
And if you'll do good when you find opportunities, and bless when you think of them, and pray and intercede earnestly before the Lord, you'll find that God will begin to put love in your heart toward your enemies. Actual love. Sometimes loving emotions, too.
Think of one person who you feel has done you wrong and take a week to pray for them. I doubt they will change but your heart will toward that person.
Just a thought...
Sunday, September 16, 2007
The Tragedy Of The Enabling Parent...
The issue is that of strife in the family due to one parent taking on the role of the enabler while the other family members have stopped enabling. This is a very bad place to be. The addict will ensnare the enabling parent by insisting on his "help" no matter what the cost to the rest of the family or your bank account. You should know that if an addict can get his way, he will not care how it will complicate your life, marriage, or your relationship with your other children. Many addicts play one parent against the other in order to get their way. This is something you must realize and take steps to stop if it is already wreaking havoc in your life.The Enabling Parent causes strife and grief in the lives of many including their own. It is shown that there is much physical and emotional consequences on the enabler because of the addict. There is a physical, almost addiction, that an enabler gets from enabling. Like a runner who gets addicted to the endorphins, an enabler gets addicted to the relief of stress when "helping" out the addicted person from facing their consequences. This is usually short lived and the cycle continues.
The main theme on this subject is as follows:"I have a brother who is addicted to drugs, me and my mother have told my dad that he must stop enabling my brother's behavior. We have told him the dangers, etc.. but he refuses to stop enabling him because he says my brother would not have anyone else to help him and that he will not turn his back on his son". He pays his bills, gives him money and bails him out of jail every time! Can you please help me, my dad just won't listen? The father, the enabling parent in this situation, along with other family members are the only ones who are truly ABLE to do something since the addict himself will not.Here we have the mother and sister of the addict who have already realized that enabling is not helping the addict. The dad on the other hand is still caught in the web of enabling.What can the distraught family members do who struggle to get through to the enabling dad?The truth is always the best and it is no exception in this case. They must make sure they have faced the enabling dad with that truth. They must tell him how his behavior is ultimately pushing the addict on into deeper addiction by taking care of the addicted son's needs and worsening it by giving him the money or resources to get more drugs. They must tell the enabling dad that he is putting up a barrier that prevents his addicted son from facing consequences that we ALL must face as a result of our wrongdoing in this life. They must tell him that taking care of every need his addicted son has and is getting in God’s way and blocking his son from hitting rock bottom. The enabling dad is guilty of hurting his addicted son, yet he believes he's helping him.What can the father do if he wants to do right by his addicted son? Stop pushing the addicted son toward deeper addiction by giving him money, paying his bills, etc. Who is the enabling dad hurting in this saga? The answer is not only his addicted son, read on:1. He is hurting his addicted son by enabling him to continue his life of addiction.2. He is hurting his daughter by coddling and enabling the addict brother. The father is showing his daughter who is not addicted, that's it's ok to do wrong and not ever suffer consequences. He's showing the daughter that anything her brother wants, he gets. He is showing his daughter that he is a pushover and is naive and gullible in the extreme and is worthy of being used, abused and manipulated. 3. He is hurting his wife by CHOOSING the addict over his wife. Also, if there is abuse by the addict, he is CHOOSING to keep his wife in a dangerous situation. This says to the addict, that they are more important than the spouse and the abuse will esculate, perhaps until it's to late. . Many fights and much strife has abided in the households of those who have addicted children. In this situation, the wife sees what is going on and has stopped enabling her addicted son while the dad continues bending over backwards in order to supply everything his addicted son desires. The very focus of this family is geared toward the addicted child. 4. The enabling dad is hurting himself. We all have opinions and views of our family members, our views are based upon what they believe, do and say. In this situation, the father who is enabling is viewed poorly by his addicted son, even though he provides the son everything and denies him nothing. Make no mistake, the addict son views the enabling dad as weak and someone worthy to be conned and manipulated. The daughter sees her father in the same light. The wife views her husband the same as the daughter does. Yes, in this situation, the only one thinking he is doing his addicted son a great service is the enabling dad. Addicts Look For Anyone To Use While an addict has anyone taking care of the responsibilities that he himself should be taking care of, he will NEVER get better. Why would he? He has the best of both worlds. He does not have to work and he does not have to be RESPONSIBLE for anything he needs to live this life. He has already learned how to WORK his family over to such a great extent that he has no need to put forth an ounce of effort to take care of himself! Why else should the enabling father say NO to his drug addict son? Bad behavior such as: lying, stealing and manipulating is not something that we should allow from our family members. Just because we love them and they are family does NOT give them the right to use, abuse, and manipulate us.God himself and Jesus Christ our Savior does not want this for us. For us to by lied to, manipulated or used by a family member is not God's will for our lives!In fact, our family members should be the very ones who can be counted on to treat us with respect, loyalty, love and honesty. Most parents do not want to face the truth that their addicted child is blatantly using them and conning them. Even though they may have a sense this is what's going on, they choose to believe otherwise.Why does the enabling parent keep this up? At the heart of enabling, there is a feeling that just one more time of helping the addict will make all the difference ... What does this mean? The enabling parent feels that THIS TIME things will be different. "If I just help them out this one LAST time". I have known addicts who are so accustomed to having their enabling parent tell them, "This is the last time I help you" , that their response is a muffled "Yeah Right ". The response is as if to say, "I know you don't mean a word of it. You'll ALWAYS do what I want you to do, your actions so far have shown it.... so get off my back"! When an enabling parent gives out warnings such as the one above, this is like a joke to the drug addicted child. A running joke that is, because by this time the enabling parent's "warnings" have went on for years. Children LEARN from experience what they can get by with, and a drug addicted person is like a cunning, manipulative child who learns from watching his enabling parent give into his every whim. The enabling parent simply must come to this realization.Why does the enabling parent believe their addicted child and continue enabling them? The parent does this because they have been lied to all along by their addicted child. An addict will say to their enabling parent that they:1. Would stop if so and so would just... putting negative light on another person in the family 2. have a good lead on a great job 3. When they feel better then they can...!These words are intended to play on the sympathy of the enabling parent.This is just stringing the enabling parent along and the addicted child knows what the parent wants to hear, so that is what he tells him or her . When it gets to the point where neither the addict nor the enabler dance the dance anympore, this is a dangerous place to get to. Until the enbler comes to the conclusions that what they are doing isn't working for anyone but the addict, then everyone will suffer and not much can be done by the others.
Written by: Conquers In Christ
Are you enabling your spouse or child? If so, ask yourself the question why? Make a list of who this helping and who this is isn't, and then ask yourself the question again, why?
Hard times in our lives are like a sinking ship. If there are those who want to live, why spend your energy saving those who don't want to be saved. Possibly, letting them get the will to be saved, would be saving them after all.
Just a thought...
The main theme on this subject is as follows:"I have a brother who is addicted to drugs, me and my mother have told my dad that he must stop enabling my brother's behavior. We have told him the dangers, etc.. but he refuses to stop enabling him because he says my brother would not have anyone else to help him and that he will not turn his back on his son". He pays his bills, gives him money and bails him out of jail every time! Can you please help me, my dad just won't listen? The father, the enabling parent in this situation, along with other family members are the only ones who are truly ABLE to do something since the addict himself will not.Here we have the mother and sister of the addict who have already realized that enabling is not helping the addict. The dad on the other hand is still caught in the web of enabling.What can the distraught family members do who struggle to get through to the enabling dad?The truth is always the best and it is no exception in this case. They must make sure they have faced the enabling dad with that truth. They must tell him how his behavior is ultimately pushing the addict on into deeper addiction by taking care of the addicted son's needs and worsening it by giving him the money or resources to get more drugs. They must tell the enabling dad that he is putting up a barrier that prevents his addicted son from facing consequences that we ALL must face as a result of our wrongdoing in this life. They must tell him that taking care of every need his addicted son has and is getting in God’s way and blocking his son from hitting rock bottom. The enabling dad is guilty of hurting his addicted son, yet he believes he's helping him.What can the father do if he wants to do right by his addicted son? Stop pushing the addicted son toward deeper addiction by giving him money, paying his bills, etc. Who is the enabling dad hurting in this saga? The answer is not only his addicted son, read on:1. He is hurting his addicted son by enabling him to continue his life of addiction.2. He is hurting his daughter by coddling and enabling the addict brother. The father is showing his daughter who is not addicted, that's it's ok to do wrong and not ever suffer consequences. He's showing the daughter that anything her brother wants, he gets. He is showing his daughter that he is a pushover and is naive and gullible in the extreme and is worthy of being used, abused and manipulated. 3. He is hurting his wife by CHOOSING the addict over his wife. Also, if there is abuse by the addict, he is CHOOSING to keep his wife in a dangerous situation. This says to the addict, that they are more important than the spouse and the abuse will esculate, perhaps until it's to late. . Many fights and much strife has abided in the households of those who have addicted children. In this situation, the wife sees what is going on and has stopped enabling her addicted son while the dad continues bending over backwards in order to supply everything his addicted son desires. The very focus of this family is geared toward the addicted child. 4. The enabling dad is hurting himself. We all have opinions and views of our family members, our views are based upon what they believe, do and say. In this situation, the father who is enabling is viewed poorly by his addicted son, even though he provides the son everything and denies him nothing. Make no mistake, the addict son views the enabling dad as weak and someone worthy to be conned and manipulated. The daughter sees her father in the same light. The wife views her husband the same as the daughter does. Yes, in this situation, the only one thinking he is doing his addicted son a great service is the enabling dad. Addicts Look For Anyone To Use While an addict has anyone taking care of the responsibilities that he himself should be taking care of, he will NEVER get better. Why would he? He has the best of both worlds. He does not have to work and he does not have to be RESPONSIBLE for anything he needs to live this life. He has already learned how to WORK his family over to such a great extent that he has no need to put forth an ounce of effort to take care of himself! Why else should the enabling father say NO to his drug addict son? Bad behavior such as: lying, stealing and manipulating is not something that we should allow from our family members. Just because we love them and they are family does NOT give them the right to use, abuse, and manipulate us.God himself and Jesus Christ our Savior does not want this for us. For us to by lied to, manipulated or used by a family member is not God's will for our lives!In fact, our family members should be the very ones who can be counted on to treat us with respect, loyalty, love and honesty. Most parents do not want to face the truth that their addicted child is blatantly using them and conning them. Even though they may have a sense this is what's going on, they choose to believe otherwise.Why does the enabling parent keep this up? At the heart of enabling, there is a feeling that just one more time of helping the addict will make all the difference ... What does this mean? The enabling parent feels that THIS TIME things will be different. "If I just help them out this one LAST time". I have known addicts who are so accustomed to having their enabling parent tell them, "This is the last time I help you" , that their response is a muffled "Yeah Right ". The response is as if to say, "I know you don't mean a word of it. You'll ALWAYS do what I want you to do, your actions so far have shown it.... so get off my back"! When an enabling parent gives out warnings such as the one above, this is like a joke to the drug addicted child. A running joke that is, because by this time the enabling parent's "warnings" have went on for years. Children LEARN from experience what they can get by with, and a drug addicted person is like a cunning, manipulative child who learns from watching his enabling parent give into his every whim. The enabling parent simply must come to this realization.Why does the enabling parent believe their addicted child and continue enabling them? The parent does this because they have been lied to all along by their addicted child. An addict will say to their enabling parent that they:1. Would stop if so and so would just... putting negative light on another person in the family 2. have a good lead on a great job 3. When they feel better then they can...!These words are intended to play on the sympathy of the enabling parent.This is just stringing the enabling parent along and the addicted child knows what the parent wants to hear, so that is what he tells him or her . When it gets to the point where neither the addict nor the enabler dance the dance anympore, this is a dangerous place to get to. Until the enbler comes to the conclusions that what they are doing isn't working for anyone but the addict, then everyone will suffer and not much can be done by the others.
Written by: Conquers In Christ
Are you enabling your spouse or child? If so, ask yourself the question why? Make a list of who this helping and who this is isn't, and then ask yourself the question again, why?
Hard times in our lives are like a sinking ship. If there are those who want to live, why spend your energy saving those who don't want to be saved. Possibly, letting them get the will to be saved, would be saving them after all.
Just a thought...
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
The Advantages of Fellowship
The Lord has been bringing this passage to me on numerous occasions. I guess that warrants some prayer and some understanding to it. Or atleast how I understand it. This was on a great website and I thought I would share it with you.
9Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Solomon, in the previous section, related a story about "a man all alone" who had "neither son nor brother" (Eccl. 4:8). This man was working himself to death, with no heirs to enjoy his wealth. He was greedy and lonely. He himself didn’t even understand why he did what he was doing. He lamented: "For whom am I toiling?" Solomon concluded: "This too is meaningless––a miserable business!" (Eccl. 4:8). That episode about a "man all alone" leads to Solomon’s next subject: "Two are better than one" (Eccl. 4:9). Very early in the history of man, God declared: "It is not good for the man to be alone" (Gen. 2:18). "If it was ‘not good’ in Paradise, much less is it in a wilderness world" [Bridges, 90]. "Ties of union, marriage, friendship, religious communion, are better than the selfish solitariness of the miser" [JFB, 523]. Fellowship would have greatly solved the problem of greed and loneliness related in Solomon’s previous episode. If the man were not all alone, others would have been benefiting from his work, so his toil would not have been merely an exercise of greed. And also, his toil would not have seemed futile, since others would have also enjoyed the fruits of his labor.
Solomon, here in Eccl. 4:9–16, points out other advantages that are a natural result of fellowship. First, "two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work" (vs. 9). There are very few endeavors in life that are performed more efficiently with one hand than with two. In nearly everything we do, we must ask at one time or another, "Hey! Could you give me a hand with this?", or even, "Hey! Can I bounce an idea off you?..." One receives support, encouragement, ideas, an extra hand from a partner.
Then also, "if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (vs. 10). We can take this literally, as two who are journeying upon a road; we can also apply this to our spiritual life: "If one falls down, his friend can help him up." In our spiritual journey, also, "two are better than one". When we are tempted, we can receive from a godly friend the strength to overcome temptation; when we stumble, we can receive the rebuke of a godly friend to get us back on track. When Jesus sent His disciples out, He sent them "two by two" (see Luke 10:1). There is a special power in the prayers of two together, for Jesus promised: "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them" (Matt. 18:18–19).
There is also in fellowship physical protection from the elements: "Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?" (vs. 11). I’m reminded in this verse about Jack London’s great Klondike stories. Two who would travel together had more than twice the chance of survival in the frozen north. The two would sleep under the same blanket to keep warm. Also, the presence of two would keep the wolves away at night. In our heated houses, this advantage is largely lost these days. However, the final advantage in fellowship mentioned here does hit home: "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken" (vs. 12). It is a wicked world out there. There is safety in numbers. Two can walk in safety where one alone would be open to attack. A bond of three together is all the more stronger. So, indeed, we see the wisdom of God in advocating fellowship with one another.
Are you in fellowship with others? Or are you a lone ranger, you know, doing your own thing?
The word of God is not only for Him to tell us past events or how He feels about us, but it is a map as to how to live our lives so that even in the midst of hardship, we will not be tempted to walk away.
Just a thought...
9Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Solomon, in the previous section, related a story about "a man all alone" who had "neither son nor brother" (Eccl. 4:8). This man was working himself to death, with no heirs to enjoy his wealth. He was greedy and lonely. He himself didn’t even understand why he did what he was doing. He lamented: "For whom am I toiling?" Solomon concluded: "This too is meaningless––a miserable business!" (Eccl. 4:8). That episode about a "man all alone" leads to Solomon’s next subject: "Two are better than one" (Eccl. 4:9). Very early in the history of man, God declared: "It is not good for the man to be alone" (Gen. 2:18). "If it was ‘not good’ in Paradise, much less is it in a wilderness world" [Bridges, 90]. "Ties of union, marriage, friendship, religious communion, are better than the selfish solitariness of the miser" [JFB, 523]. Fellowship would have greatly solved the problem of greed and loneliness related in Solomon’s previous episode. If the man were not all alone, others would have been benefiting from his work, so his toil would not have been merely an exercise of greed. And also, his toil would not have seemed futile, since others would have also enjoyed the fruits of his labor.
Solomon, here in Eccl. 4:9–16, points out other advantages that are a natural result of fellowship. First, "two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work" (vs. 9). There are very few endeavors in life that are performed more efficiently with one hand than with two. In nearly everything we do, we must ask at one time or another, "Hey! Could you give me a hand with this?", or even, "Hey! Can I bounce an idea off you?..." One receives support, encouragement, ideas, an extra hand from a partner.
Then also, "if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (vs. 10). We can take this literally, as two who are journeying upon a road; we can also apply this to our spiritual life: "If one falls down, his friend can help him up." In our spiritual journey, also, "two are better than one". When we are tempted, we can receive from a godly friend the strength to overcome temptation; when we stumble, we can receive the rebuke of a godly friend to get us back on track. When Jesus sent His disciples out, He sent them "two by two" (see Luke 10:1). There is a special power in the prayers of two together, for Jesus promised: "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them" (Matt. 18:18–19).
There is also in fellowship physical protection from the elements: "Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?" (vs. 11). I’m reminded in this verse about Jack London’s great Klondike stories. Two who would travel together had more than twice the chance of survival in the frozen north. The two would sleep under the same blanket to keep warm. Also, the presence of two would keep the wolves away at night. In our heated houses, this advantage is largely lost these days. However, the final advantage in fellowship mentioned here does hit home: "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken" (vs. 12). It is a wicked world out there. There is safety in numbers. Two can walk in safety where one alone would be open to attack. A bond of three together is all the more stronger. So, indeed, we see the wisdom of God in advocating fellowship with one another.
Are you in fellowship with others? Or are you a lone ranger, you know, doing your own thing?
The word of God is not only for Him to tell us past events or how He feels about us, but it is a map as to how to live our lives so that even in the midst of hardship, we will not be tempted to walk away.
Just a thought...
Sunday, September 9, 2007
He's Waiting....
Dear Friend,
How are you? I just had to send a note to tell you how much I love you and care about you.
I saw you yesterday as you were talking with your friends. I waited all day, hoping you would want to talk with Me also. As evening drew near, I gave you a sunset to close your day and a cool breeze to rest you-and I waited. You never came. Oh, yes, it hurts Me-but I still love you because I am your Friend.
I saw you fall asleep last night and longed to touch your brow, so I spilled moonlight upon your pillow and face. Again I waited, wanting to rush down so we could talk. I have so many gifts for you! You awakened late and rushed off to work. My tears were in the rain.
Today you looked so sad-so all alone. It makes My heart ache because I understand. My friends let Me down and hurt Me many times, too, but I love you.
Oh, if you would only listen to Me. I love you! I try to tell you in the blue sky and in the quiet green grass. I whisper it in the leaves on the trees and breathe it in the colors of flowers. I shout it to you in mountain streams and give the birds love songs to sing. I clothe you with warm sunshine and perfume the air with nature scents. My love for you is deeper than the ocean and bigger than the biggest want or need in your head. Oh, if you only knew how much I want to walk and talk with you. We could spend an eternity together in heaven.
I know how hard it is on this earth; I really know! And I want to help you. I want you to meet My Father. He wants to help you, too. My Father is that way, you know.
Just call Me-ask Me-talk with me! Oh, please don't forget Me. I have so much to share with you!
All right, I won't bother you any further. You are free to choose Me. It's your decision. I have chosen you, and because of this I will wait-because I love you!
Your Friend, Jesus
Have you spent your time with Him today, He's waiting.
Just a thought....
How are you? I just had to send a note to tell you how much I love you and care about you.
I saw you yesterday as you were talking with your friends. I waited all day, hoping you would want to talk with Me also. As evening drew near, I gave you a sunset to close your day and a cool breeze to rest you-and I waited. You never came. Oh, yes, it hurts Me-but I still love you because I am your Friend.
I saw you fall asleep last night and longed to touch your brow, so I spilled moonlight upon your pillow and face. Again I waited, wanting to rush down so we could talk. I have so many gifts for you! You awakened late and rushed off to work. My tears were in the rain.
Today you looked so sad-so all alone. It makes My heart ache because I understand. My friends let Me down and hurt Me many times, too, but I love you.
Oh, if you would only listen to Me. I love you! I try to tell you in the blue sky and in the quiet green grass. I whisper it in the leaves on the trees and breathe it in the colors of flowers. I shout it to you in mountain streams and give the birds love songs to sing. I clothe you with warm sunshine and perfume the air with nature scents. My love for you is deeper than the ocean and bigger than the biggest want or need in your head. Oh, if you only knew how much I want to walk and talk with you. We could spend an eternity together in heaven.
I know how hard it is on this earth; I really know! And I want to help you. I want you to meet My Father. He wants to help you, too. My Father is that way, you know.
Just call Me-ask Me-talk with me! Oh, please don't forget Me. I have so much to share with you!
All right, I won't bother you any further. You are free to choose Me. It's your decision. I have chosen you, and because of this I will wait-because I love you!
Your Friend, Jesus
Have you spent your time with Him today, He's waiting.
Just a thought....
Sunday, September 2, 2007
A Mother and Daughters Journey...
For the first time in my relationship with my oldest daughter, I find us both on a personal journey with our Heavenly Father and discovering His love for his daughters. To be on a similar journey with your child can bring you close together but can also bring about division.
" Our fight is not against flesh and blood, but the enemy of darkness". Easy to say and read, not so easy to remember and believe in the midst of a personal journey. I find myself feeling hurt because of my daughters desire to be with her dad, which then makes it's quick decent to anger. A part of me is so glad that she has this wonderful relationship with her dad, and another part makes me wonder why she treats our family and our home like a "pit stop". Like it's a place to just wait, until she can go to her dad's.
I have realized through much prayer and process, that I devalued our time as a family to her. That I made her time with her dad seem more valuable than our time with her. I try not to condemn myself for doing that, because I did it in hopes of making living in two homes as good and as easy as possible.
So now what? Well, I believe the Lord will make my path straight and His wisdom will come as to how to regain in her eyes, our family's value, my value as a mom and how to step out in authority to regain her confidence and security in her life.
One thing I know, is I don't have the answers. I don't have a game plan. All I know for sure, is that she and I need to lean on the Lord during this time, stay in His truth and not react on our emotions. In the end we will be closer to our Heavenly Father and each other in the process.
Just a thought...
" Our fight is not against flesh and blood, but the enemy of darkness". Easy to say and read, not so easy to remember and believe in the midst of a personal journey. I find myself feeling hurt because of my daughters desire to be with her dad, which then makes it's quick decent to anger. A part of me is so glad that she has this wonderful relationship with her dad, and another part makes me wonder why she treats our family and our home like a "pit stop". Like it's a place to just wait, until she can go to her dad's.
I have realized through much prayer and process, that I devalued our time as a family to her. That I made her time with her dad seem more valuable than our time with her. I try not to condemn myself for doing that, because I did it in hopes of making living in two homes as good and as easy as possible.
So now what? Well, I believe the Lord will make my path straight and His wisdom will come as to how to regain in her eyes, our family's value, my value as a mom and how to step out in authority to regain her confidence and security in her life.
One thing I know, is I don't have the answers. I don't have a game plan. All I know for sure, is that she and I need to lean on the Lord during this time, stay in His truth and not react on our emotions. In the end we will be closer to our Heavenly Father and each other in the process.
Just a thought...
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